Post by robo on Jun 15, 2019 12:38:35 GMT -5
Toilet Paper Times
Parting Shot: TPT's 7th and Final Edition!
As promised, we at TPT present you with our seventh and final edition. It has been an amazing journey entertaining, informing, and hopefully persuading you with our comedic hits, news coverage, and recent opinion pieces. After three years of business, we will officially cease further production as TPT shuts down for good. With the recent declaration of war and attack on Kirigakure soil, TPT recognizes that while we close out on this era we begin a new path ahead. Its shinobi staff will refocus their time, dedicating more energy to meeting the new and old threats against our village. Once our problems settle and we attain peace in Kirigakure again, TPT may return in a new, improved business but its owner has no intention of running it; if you are interested in taking over or writing at all, seek out Yuki, Kazuhiko to obtain insight into how to run a successful newspaper. Now with that written, enjoy our Parting Shot - a collection of stories centered on the themes "closure" and "transition"! We hope it helps you make sense of your community as we all move through difficult, uncertain times.
Insights from the Okui Makikomu Community Survey!
In our last issue, we circulated a poll to gather how community members feel about a controversial genin, Okui Makikomu. We now report our findings and insights gained from this survey. 62% of respondents say they do not believe Okui should return to the Okyu Eihei. But, given the Mizukage's death, that probably won't even be an issue in any case going forwards. 62% also report they do not believe Okui should be allowed to return to doing missions without her headband or being an official shinobi. Interestingly, only 24% think she is Kirigakure's least popular genin. And I'm one of them. A certain gup with a track record of foolish choices on his mission may be even more unpopular, but we at TPT won't take a poll on that. Lastly, we asked a question on why Okui lost her headband. Answers ranged from "she ugly" to "probably some shady shit" to her upsetting the Mizukage. At this point, many months after the fact, it doesn't matter why. What matters is she and any other wayward shinobi treat others with respect and uphold their service to our village with proper ethical behavior. Hopefully, this kunoichi walks a more honorable path going forwards.
The End of Petty Street Drama
Notable People Pictured: Kazuhiko Yuki(Officer Executing Arrest), Gaku Kinuta (Okyu Eihei), Shinsuke (Okyu Eihei), Lord Kirijo Shigekuni (Mizukage), Omarou Kaguya (Criminal), Mura (Criminal)
Once again, criminals ruined our public space. As many in the square that day saw, Omarou and Mura attacked Kazuhiko Yuki and Gaku Kinuta. The officer on scene issued an arrest for the offending criminals for assault among other crimes. Gaku and Shinsuke supported the arrest, valiantly fighting off the Kaguya until he fell. Kazuhiko drew Mura away, leading up to the Fourth Mizukage Kirijo Shigekuni stepping in. Mura was handcuffed by the Yuki cop and promptly sent to jail before he and Omarou were both taken in for punishment. Before his untimely death, Kirijo promised these criminals' days of reckless assault and disturbing our village were over. Had shinobi like this dedicated their talent to helping others instead of selfishly lashing out against their own comrades, we may have avoided the losses we've had this year. Lord Senso's death may have been avoided. And now maybe Lord Kirijo's too. The time for petty drama has come to an end - we all have bigger threats to deal with. As said in our last paper, ask that shinobi you're beefing with to a duel. And don't start problems you won't finish. But most importantly, remember we are a village at conflict with foreign threats. Adding domestic threats will ensure you're dealt with swiftly and without mercy; your chance to turn a new leaf has now passed.
Sachiko: Is There More Than Meets the Bat Fangs?
Pictured: Sachiko
As some of our readers may know, a bat-summoning kunoichi has flown into the lives of many Kirigakuran shinobi. This is none other than the mild-mannered, enigma extraordinaire Sachiko!. With such a "quiet" personality, there is certainly much more to this teen than meets the eye. Rumors have spread that she may secretly be a spy, or even a vampire! I mean, look at those fangs! Whatever she is, little is known about her by many, so we took the time to get to know her yourself too. An icy blue-eyed girl (Sachiko) discusses her journey with us below.
"You're buying blood bags. Are you a vampire?"
Sachiko: "Hardly. I got a pet bat remember?"
"So you're secretly half-bat? Are you the bat version of the Kushaku?"
Sachiko: "I'm not from some special clan. Ain't nothin special about my blood."
"Are you, like, the sole heir to a lost bat ninja lineage?"
Sachiko: "That ain't how that works.."
Secretive as ever, Sachiko resisted our questions to figure out the truth about her and her bat ninja background or why she seeks blood. Out of respect for her privacy, we can't say everything we know - but we can say she claims to hail from somewhere in the Land of Water and was not born in Kirigakure village itself. Perhaps she really is some vampire spy, stalking around secretly to learn intel to send to Kumo. Or maybe that's just a conspiracy TPT heard from a bored genin with no mission to do. Who knows! Try finding our enigmatic extraordinaire Sachiko on the rare occasion she's in public. You may just learn her secret.
A Candid Conversation with Hozuki, Nobugetsu
"What do you think of Covira and her gang's actions this year? Does she have a valid point, or is it rubbish?"
Nobugetsu: "I do not support Covira or what her gang is doing, nor what they stand for Covira is petty and selfish. She is brainwashing the less intelligent commoners into coming to her side, lying to them that the nobles are going to 'hold' money over their head when all of the help, at least that my kin has offered, has been free."
"What do you think about the impact of the fire and the recent massacre?"
Nobugetsu: "I think the fire has separated us more than before, along with the massacre. It has made those who believe in their own misguided 'justice' start to rise up and speak out when they don't have a leg to stand on."
"What are your final thoughts on the Yuki Clan Massacre and the future of Kirigakure?"
Nobugetsu: "The Yuki Massacre is a horrible tragedy, but, due to the nature of the Yuki being nobles, I believe a large portion of commoners are glad for this tragedy. It's horrible to say, yes, but they are like vultures. Something needs to change before the issue bursts at the seams."
This concludes the Shinobi News of October 7th, 1203!
Writer: Yuki, Kazuhiko
PS: The editor's opinions DO reflect the opinions and values of TPT as a whole.
PS: The editor's opinions DO reflect the opinions and values of TPT as a whole.